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I said no more, but really - how ironic is this lol.
| iamtherobot's LJ stalker is krillison! | | krillison is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also prank calling you regularly! |
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May. 29th, 2004 @ 12:53 am
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I quit livejournal because I hate it lol.
Xanga is the way to be.
After three years, it's been awesome! |
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I've been feeling a little emo these past couple of days.. I think it's just because I'm PMS-ing or something, but I've been doing a lot of thinking about everything in my life.
I.. am just so happy. Happier than I've ever been. And though I have my moments where depression still hits me, and hits me hard, it's not at all as intense as it was before. But every morning I wake up and I look forward to the day, I look forward to getting out of bed and getting on with my life. There was a long period in my life where I didn't think I would feel this way again, no matter who I was with. But.. then I met someone that really made me truly happy again, that made me actually want to live again. I dunno if that sounds weird but sometimes I really lose all hope in humanity and depression really fucks me over and I don't even want to open my eyes ever again and if I have nothing to look forward to at all, then I just dwell and continue to dwell and can't get over it. But I do have something/someone to look forward to.. even a damn phone call or aim conversation with him can make me happy, and I'm so glad I have him as mine and that he's my best friend and I can talk to him about anything. And I dunno if it makes sense or not.. but I feel like I don't have to hide anything from him and I can spill my heart and not feel stupid or anything because I know he'll understand and listen to me. That I can be completely myself with him, even if I'm in my quiet moods and it'll be okay. I guess I'm trying to say that he's the only person in my life that I speak to every single day, feel comfortable enough to tell him anything, and think about all the time. I've been through a lot with Danny and I know I'll be with him for a long time. And it still feels strange being so open with him because we used to have this weird relationship where I always wanted to tell him so much but had to be wary of what I said because he'd push me away. We'd talk every day but we'd never REALLY talk.. and now we do all the time. I dunno, a little hard getting used to it but I love it. I cherish every little fight, talk, kiss, and moment spent together.. heh, I guess what I'm saying is that I really love him. :)
^^ And that concludes the Danny portion of this entry (cuz I write about him in every one.. lol.)
Not much going on in my life. I start my new job tomorrow, serving old people food @ Worthington Christian Village retirement home. Doesn't seem so bad, and even if it is, it'll bring me some money that I desperately need, especially for the summer.
I got ungrounded Friday when interims came, all B's and one C, just have to make sure that my grades remain decent for the rest of the four weeks we have of school and summer will be great.
Didn't really do much this weekend. I went to Midgard on friday with Jake to see Heroes in Denim but I didn't get to see them because I was in my car on the phone lol. Josh (one of the band members) was mad at me cuz I missed their set but I'll see them someday. Yesterday I went to Danny's house and we spent the day together. Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind finally (respect copyrights, ban piracy! heh, jk.) as well as Reservoir Dogs. Both were gooooood, I liked em a lot. Today I had to go to work to get my TB shot read.. the place where I got is all red and itchy.. :[.. it came out negative though which is good but I have to get the 2nd part of it done on Thursday, and I was supposed to spend time with my mom but I don't think we're going to lol. I might just finish my hw and clean my room and then play some final fantasy.. gotta catch up, I haven't played in forever.
I've been reading my old DeadAIM logs today and they made me cry lol. Some of them made me so sad.. and some of them made me happy. I dunno, I've been crying a lot this weekend. Damn hormones.
Listen to this song, I love Depeche Mode. I'm gonna go do my hw and watch tv, I suppose.
Buy me THIS please.Feeling:  loved Hearing: depeche mode; I feel you |
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Danny's gonna beat me with his shoe... but here are some pics from Prom. I think they're sooooo freaking cute holy shit.
( And without further ado.. prom. )
Heh, prom was actually not so bad. It was at COSI so we got to look at all the exhibits and whatnot. That was entertaining. Got professional pictures too, I might scan those in when I get them, heh. We went to Red Lobsterrr. That place was ok, too. No wait so that was nice. Didn't go to afterhours, just hung out at Danny's and came home at 3am! haha.
On sunday I went to Danny's for a few hours and finished up my roll.. the rest of the pics came out with me looking horrendous because I had no makeup or anything on and he kept taking pics of me in bad positions lmao. A lot of them look sexual but ..... they're not. :[ haha oh well.
Don't Danny and I look so cute together? :] hahah AWWWW. So cute.Feeling:  amused Hearing: tool; prison sex |
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I wouldn't cheat on him for the life of me :[ And it makes me sad that he thinks that I would, and that I am sometimes. It sucks! It sucks a lot. I can't even do anything in those situations because he always thinks I'm lying to him. What the hell.
I don't know.
I think too much.
OH MY GOD. I'm starving, hot as fuck, and supremely pissed off at every SINGLE little thing under the sun.
Please.. shoot me now.Feeling:  infuriated Hearing: incubus; the warmth |
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I always wonder what people think about when they masturbate.
May. 4th, 2004 @ 11:15 pm
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| » (No Subject) |
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( yay! )
AHHHH
who's going.
me.
fucking.
afkjads
aksljdfsldakmfkldsamlk;,xmc,.vm
sfkldskl;jds.
I AM.
GOING.
TO THAT.
FUCKING.
SHOW.
FUCK YOU.
May. 3rd, 2004 @ 09:22 pm
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| » late night thoughts. |
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The worst is over now and we can breathe again.
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight,
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain..
I really, really..
just love you so much.
<3 so fucking wonderful.
May. 1st, 2004 @ 03:30 am
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| » FILL IT IN! |
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( I tried to give you up, but I'm addicted. )
sorry you probably hate me for putting this in here but I'd like it if you filled it in. :]
Apr. 28th, 2004 @ 07:50 pm
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| » Like a tick-tock clock in that heart of hearts. |
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You know.
I haven't agreed or been alright with a decision that my parents have made in a long time. But today.. they made one that at first pissed the hell out of me, but then as I spent the day thinking about it and talking to people, I decided that it was actually a good move. Not a good move, but a decent move. One that I can deal with.
I originally wanted to take a year off in between high school and college, and I knew that my parents didn't want me to do that. So they went to my school and talked to my counselor about my options for college and decided on one for me [which is what really pisses me off, but read on], OSU-Newark. OSU Newark is a branch of OSU in Newark, with another branch right near here in Powell. It's open-enrollment, and doesn't require SATs/ACTs [I don't think, but I'm not worried about those and am taking them anyway because I'm pretty good at standardized tests.], as well as being a lot cheaper and on top of all those things...
My parents are actually encouraging me to move out after I turn 18 if I go to college. What the hell? Makes me suspcicious.
But the thing is, and this is what makes me happiest about this decision...
Is that even if they don't want me to move out, and try to put up a fuss about it or threaten to cut my college funds because of it, which you know, I really don't think they'll do..
I'll do it anyway. Because then, I'll just go to Columbus State and get financial aid, use some of it to move out, and get my associate's, then transfer to OSU or something and finish up my last two years there and get my bachelor's in graphics communications [which is what I really want to do in the first place.]
So I feel really lighthearted and shit right now because all this pressure that I was feeling about college has been taken off my shoulders. I know it's my life and my parents have no right to decide this shit for me but I think they made a good decision, you know. I really think they did. I can deal with going to OSUN for awhile and then transferring, and if they have a problem with me moving out which they won't, see above.
I'm so glad that now I can relax for the rest of high school. Now I don't have to worry about getting really high grades to get into some competitive college, and I don't have to worry about much else, really.
I really just wanna move out with Danny and Sara though.. I think that'd be a hell of a lot of fun. Even if Danny doesn't want to, but which I think he does.. I dunno, I'd still have sooo much fucking fun with Sara. I'd love it. :) And I'd love it 10x more if Danny would move out with us.. but that's totally up to him. :p It's a big decision, and I told my parents that I wanted to move out with Sara and Danny. Oh my, bad decision, right? Actually, no. They said that was fine, as long as I go to college. Haha, whatever.
I think.. that Danny might get irritated with this because he thinks that my parents are gonna try and control me through college. They might.. but I mean, if they do, I'll just do my above plan. You know? They can't fuck me over when I'm 18 and past.. they can try, but they can't legally do anything about it. And I don't want some sort of amazing life or career, I just want a normal one. I don't care if I have to work a shit job for the rest of my life, really. I'd like to learn more which is why I'm going to college in the first place.. I just don't want my life controlled when I'm 'old enough and mature enough' to make my own decisions. [Sadly, I am there now.] But yeah.. I hope he's not angry about this but I don't think he will be. I mean, it's a good thing I'm going to college, right? And I'll still be able to move out with him if that's what he still wants at that point. I derno. We'll see! I don't really even need to think about all this shit now but I have been because of my parents and their date with Mr. Valentine.
AND NOW THAT THAT IS DONE WITH.
I SOLEMNLY SWEAR NOT TO HAVE ANY MORE COLLEGE ENTRIES TIL AT LEAST THIS SUMMER.
I promise.
Grr.. now I gotta go work on a presentation for classical humanities. I go 2nd tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Woot. :/ And then I gotta study for an American Lit test. Ughhh. :[ And then a math test. UGHHH! Oh well, right now I'm just trying to get myself ungrounded lol. We'll see. Wish me luck! :]
Apr. 26th, 2004 @ 05:24 pm
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